I have noticed how so many people in the Infosec community are starting to feel like all this talk about neurodiversity is a fad. Look, I have been struggling with my ADHD since my first memories of elementary school. I spent most of my childhood and young adulthood feeling inadequate and trying to pretend that what I knew wasn’t true. I spent my childhood fantasizing about what life would be like if I could go through my days and not need medication to cope and function. As a man, this was a source of significant shame to me. I realize how completely stupid that is now. I started Neurodiverse Hackers to find other people I could relate to who also struggled.
One thing that has been incredibly liberating for me is the number of people in Infosec who are not afraid to admit weakness, insecurity, imposter syndrome, and mental health issues. I finally feel like I can be myself and be accepted. I also started Neurodiverse Hackers because I wanted to finally own this and not lock it away in shame. I am neurodiverse. It is something I did not choose for myself. If given the choice, I would have gladly lived a life where I did not suffer like this. I am tired of feeling inadequate. I am tired of feeling like there is something defective about myself. Being able to name this thing and recognize that it is something treatable but also not constitutive to who I am as a person is liberating. If you see me wearing my Neurodiverse Hackers shirt at Defcon 32, please realize I do this because I want to own this thing and not have it own me. I do this because I am tired of hiding and feeling like a piece of shit. I am tired of being ashamed of the fact that I struggle in ways many people do not experience and never will. I am tired of thinking there must be something morally, functionally, or fundamentally wrong with me. I do this because I am tired of hating myself and running from this. That is what Neurodiverse Hackers is to me.
I have noticed how so many people in the Infosec community are starting to feel like all this talk about neurodiversity is a fad. Look, I have been struggling with my ADHD since my first memories of elementary school. I spent most of my childhood and young adulthood feeling inadequate and trying to pretend that what I knew wasn’t true. I spent my childhood fantasizing about what life would be like if I could go through my days and not need medication to cope and function. As a man, this was a source of significant shame to me. I realize how completely stupid that is now. I started Neurodiverse Hackers to find other people I could relate to who also struggled.One thing that has been incredibly liberating for me is the number of people in Infosec who are not afraid to admit weakness, insecurity, imposter syndrome, and mental health issues. I finally feel like I can be myself and be accepted. I also started Neurodiverse Hackers because I wanted to finally own this and not lock it away in shame. I am neurodiverse. It is something I did not choose for myself. If given the choice, I would have gladly lived a life where I did not suffer like this. I am tired of feeling inadequate. I am tired of feeling like there is something defective about myself. Being able to name this thing and recognize that it is something treatable but also not constitutive to who I am as a person is liberating. If you see me wearing my Neurodiverse Hackers shirt at Defcon 32, please realize I do this because I want to own this thing and not have it own me. I do this because I am tired of hiding and feeling like a piece of shit. I am tired of being ashamed of the fact that I struggle in ways many people do not experience and never will. I am tired of thinking there must be something morally, functionally, or fundamentally wrong with me. I do this because I am tired of hating myself and running from this. That is what Neurodiverse Hackers is to me.