Photo by Clark Tibbs on Unsplash
I left DEFCON in August 2023, ecstatic. It was my first time attending the conference, and I was thoroughly pumped by the experience. I have always wanted to be a “hacker,” but I struggled with untreated ADHD as well as a difficult childhood. Going to DEFCON 31 was so inspiring. I walked away ambitious to grow and expand my capacities.
Before heading back home, I took my family to the Grand Canyon. As we drove through the Mojave Desert, leaving Las Vegas behind, I felt so much excitement and hope. I realized that when I returned home, I would soon be confronted with the long winters where it becomes dark at 5:00 pm. I have battled seasonal affective disorder before, and I resolved that I would hold onto the goal of returning to DEFCON a better hacker as a means to get through the winter.
My goal was to return to DEFCON and be substantially better as a penetration tester and a red teamer. I wondered what a year’s worth of intensive study would produce in me. I remember thinking, “I am going to return to DEFCON in 2024 and be a better hacker. I am going to work my ass off in the dark, dreary months of the year.”
When I returned home, I immediately started focusing more on reverse engineering and getting comfortable with malware analysis tools. I already knew C and some Assembly Language, but I was excited to take those skills further.
However, it was not until a month after returning from DEFCON, during the first week of September, that the shortage of ADHD medication, which I had heard about, finally hit home. I could not get my medication anywhere. Weeks turned into months, and all the while, in the back of my head, I kept remembering my promise to get better as a hacker. I felt frustrated, but I resolved to work hard even though not treating my ADHD impacted my ability to focus and learn complicated topics.
It was not until late November that I figured out how to get my medication, which happened only because I discovered I could go around insurance and pay for the brand and not the generic. Of course, my insurance would not cover the brand, which is why I had been without medication for months. I decided that spending the money was necessary since I was going nowhere fast.
Then over Christmas, my psychiatrist changed her practice and started transitioning into a consultation approach. She asked that I get my medication from my PCP going forward, which I did, but it was also a disaster. For one, my PCP does not understand ADHD, which is why he advocated changing my dosing so that I would not have any medication at night. His wisdom was that I should “take the night off.” That is the kind of thinking that comes from someone who does not have ADHD. My medication enables me to navigate life. Taking the night off for me means using my time and talents doing projects I enjoy, which can only be accomplished through treating my ADHD. It was not until the Spring that I found a qualified doctor.
ADHD presents unique challenges in the cybersecurity field, where intense focus, meticulous attention to detail, and prolonged periods of concentration are critical. For me, untreated ADHD often meant struggling to maintain focus during complex tasks. This struggle was exacerbated by the medication shortage, which left me feeling scattered and unable to harness the skills I knew I possessed.
In dealing with these challenges, I learned a few key lessons that might help others in similar situations:
1. Advocate for Yourself: Be proactive in seeking out medical professionals who understand ADHD and are willing to work with you on a treatment plan that suits your needs.
2. Create a Support System: Surround yourself with understanding colleagues, friends, and family who can provide support during tough times.
3. Develop Coping Strategies: Utilize tools and techniques like time-blocking, setting reminders, and breaking tasks into smaller, manageable pieces to help maintain focus.
4. Invest in Your Health: Sometimes, it’s worth spending extra money on medication or other treatments that can significantly improve your quality of life and productivity.
5. Stay Inspired: Hold onto your goals and dreams, like my ambition to return to DEFCON as a better hacker, to motivate you through difficult periods.
I am not the only hacker who struggles with ADHD and has found themselves without medication and without an end in sight. The journey has been challenging, but it has also been a testament to the resilience required to navigate both the complexities of cybersecurity and the hurdles of ADHD. Despite the setbacks, my passion for hacking and commitment to self-improvement remain undeterred. Here’s to hoping that my experience sheds light on the often-overlooked struggles of neurodiverse individuals in the tech industry.
By sharing my story, I aim to inspire others facing similar challenges to persevere and seek the support they need. The road to becoming a skilled hacker is not easy, but with determination and the right resources, it is possible to overcome even the most daunting obstacles.
Never quit.
Photo by Clark Tibbs on UnsplashI left DEFCON in August 2023, ecstatic. It was my first time attending the conference, and I was thoroughly pumped by the experience. I have always wanted to be a “hacker,” but I struggled with untreated ADHD as well as a difficult childhood. Going to DEFCON 31 was so inspiring. I walked away ambitious to grow and expand my capacities.Before heading back home, I took my family to the Grand Canyon. As we drove through the Mojave Desert, leaving Las Vegas behind, I felt so much excitement and hope. I realized that when I returned home, I would soon be confronted with the long winters where it becomes dark at 5:00 pm. I have battled seasonal affective disorder before, and I resolved that I would hold onto the goal of returning to DEFCON a better hacker as a means to get through the winter.My goal was to return to DEFCON and be substantially better as a penetration tester and a red teamer. I wondered what a year’s worth of intensive study would produce in me. I remember thinking, “I am going to return to DEFCON in 2024 and be a better hacker. I am going to work my ass off in the dark, dreary months of the year.”When I returned home, I immediately started focusing more on reverse engineering and getting comfortable with malware analysis tools. I already knew C and some Assembly Language, but I was excited to take those skills further.However, it was not until a month after returning from DEFCON, during the first week of September, that the shortage of ADHD medication, which I had heard about, finally hit home. I could not get my medication anywhere. Weeks turned into months, and all the while, in the back of my head, I kept remembering my promise to get better as a hacker. I felt frustrated, but I resolved to work hard even though not treating my ADHD impacted my ability to focus and learn complicated topics.It was not until late November that I figured out how to get my medication, which happened only because I discovered I could go around insurance and pay for the brand and not the generic. Of course, my insurance would not cover the brand, which is why I had been without medication for months. I decided that spending the money was necessary since I was going nowhere fast.Then over Christmas, my psychiatrist changed her practice and started transitioning into a consultation approach. She asked that I get my medication from my PCP going forward, which I did, but it was also a disaster. For one, my PCP does not understand ADHD, which is why he advocated changing my dosing so that I would not have any medication at night. His wisdom was that I should “take the night off.” That is the kind of thinking that comes from someone who does not have ADHD. My medication enables me to navigate life. Taking the night off for me means using my time and talents doing projects I enjoy, which can only be accomplished through treating my ADHD. It was not until the Spring that I found a qualified doctor.ADHD presents unique challenges in the cybersecurity field, where intense focus, meticulous attention to detail, and prolonged periods of concentration are critical. For me, untreated ADHD often meant struggling to maintain focus during complex tasks. This struggle was exacerbated by the medication shortage, which left me feeling scattered and unable to harness the skills I knew I possessed.In dealing with these challenges, I learned a few key lessons that might help others in similar situations:1. Advocate for Yourself: Be proactive in seeking out medical professionals who understand ADHD and are willing to work with you on a treatment plan that suits your needs.2. Create a Support System: Surround yourself with understanding colleagues, friends, and family who can provide support during tough times.3. Develop Coping Strategies: Utilize tools and techniques like time-blocking, setting reminders, and breaking tasks into smaller, manageable pieces to help maintain focus.4. Invest in Your Health: Sometimes, it’s worth spending extra money on medication or other treatments that can significantly improve your quality of life and productivity.5. Stay Inspired: Hold onto your goals and dreams, like my ambition to return to DEFCON as a better hacker, to motivate you through difficult periods.I am not the only hacker who struggles with ADHD and has found themselves without medication and without an end in sight. The journey has been challenging, but it has also been a testament to the resilience required to navigate both the complexities of cybersecurity and the hurdles of ADHD. Despite the setbacks, my passion for hacking and commitment to self-improvement remain undeterred. Here’s to hoping that my experience sheds light on the often-overlooked struggles of neurodiverse individuals in the tech industry.By sharing my story, I aim to inspire others facing similar challenges to persevere and seek the support they need. The road to becoming a skilled hacker is not easy, but with determination and the right resources, it is possible to overcome even the most daunting obstacles.Never quit.